NO COME WOK TODAY

NO COME WOK TODAY!'

Hung Chow calls his work and says, 'Hey, I no come wok
today, I really sick . Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come wok.'

The boss says, 'You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me Sex. That Makes everything better and I go to work. You try that.  

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. 'I do what You say
and I feel Great. I be at wok soon........You got nice house'.

Those wanting to get married.

Father Henry was planning a wedding at the close of the morning service. After the benediction Father Henry had planned to call the couple down to be married for a brief ceremony before the congregation. For the life of him, he couldn't think of the names of those who were to be married.

'Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?' Father Henry requested.

Immediately; nine single ladies, three widows, four widowers, and six single men stepped to the front.

Slow Learner

After her husband forgot their wedding anniversary, his wife tells him: 'You'd better have something for me in front of the house, tomorrow, which goes from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds.'

The next day, she found, in front of the house in the driveway, as requested, a bathroom scale.

Good Hunting?

Two hunters are out in the woods in New Jersey when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his 'phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, 'My friend is dead! What can I do?'
The operator says, 'Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.'
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, 'OK, now what?'

joke from a female friend

It has long been contended that there are male Jokes and there are female jokes, and there are unisex Jokes. Here is a joke I consider a true female joke. I offer it to you in the hopes That women will love it And men will Pass it along to a woman who will love it. A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him. The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. (As All men will.) Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, 'I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00...... On one condition' Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition Was. The man replied, 'You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.' The woman considered his proposition for a moment, And then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, Which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly and meaningfully said.... 'Clean my house.'

Swine Flu: A fresh perspective

The big bad Wolf said "I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down." The little piggy said "Go away or I'll sneeze on you..."

A Smart Answer