joke from a female friend

It has long been contended that there are male Jokes and there are female jokes, and there are unisex Jokes. Here is a joke I consider a true female joke. I offer it to you in the hopes That women will love it And men will Pass it along to a woman who will love it. A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him. The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. (As All men will.) Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, 'I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00...... On one condition' Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition Was. The man replied, 'You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.' The woman considered his proposition for a moment, And then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, Which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly and meaningfully said.... 'Clean my house.'

Swine Flu: A fresh perspective

The big bad Wolf said "I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down." The little piggy said "Go away or I'll sneeze on you..."

A Smart Answer

Blond in a Bar

A Blond from Pretoria is sitting in the bar with two guys beside her. The first guy says to the barman, "Johnnie Walker. Single." And the second guy tells the barman, "Jack Daniels. single." At that, the bartender approaches the lady and asks, "And you ma'am? She answers: "Katryn van der Merwe, married."

Couples

A Cartoonist's Portrayal Of Couples A hilariously accurate take on Couples.  Tell me its not true! Click on Image To View Full Size

Deeply profound thoughts by men

Two men are out just fishing quietly and drinking beer. Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Bob says, 'I think I'm gonna divorce my wife. She hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months.' Charles continues slowly sipping his beer then thoughtfully says, 'You better think it over, Bob. Women like that are hard to find.'

Memorial Stone

Jim died. His will provided $40,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the last guests departed the affair, his wife Sharon turned to her oldest and dearest friend. 'Well, I'm sure Jim would be pleased,' she said. 'I'm sure you're right,' replied Brenda, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. 'How much did this really cost?' 'All of it,' said Sharon . 'Forty thousand.' "No!' Brenda exclaimed. 'I mean, it was very nice, but $40,000?' Sharon answered, 'The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to church. The whiskey, wine and snacks were another $500. The rest went for the Memorial Stone.' Brenda computed quickly. '$32,500 for a Memorial Stone? How big is it?' So Sharon showed off her new Memorial Stone:

Economic Crisis

Everyone seems to be affected by the global economic crisis these days . . .

Kids Are Quick

TEACHER:   Maria, go to the map and find North America . MARIA:         Here it is. TEACHER:   Correct. Now class, who discovered America ? CLASS:         Maria. ____________________________________ TEACHER: John, why are you doing your maths multiplication on the floor? JOHN:         You told me to do it without using tables. __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN:         K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' TEACHER:  No, that's wrong GLENN:         Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. ____________________________________________ TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD:     H I J K L M N O. TEACHER:  What are you talking about? DONALD:     Yesterday you said it's H to O. __________________________________ TEACHER:  Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE:       Me! __________________________________________ TEACHER:  Glen, why do you always get so dirty? GLEN:           Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. _______________________________________ TEACHER:    Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. ' MILLIE:           I is.. TEACHER:    No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.' MILLIE:           All right...  'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'       ________________________________ TEACHER:   George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.                        Now, Louis, do you know why his father didn't punish him? LOUIS:          Because George still had the axe in his hand.     ______________________________________ TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? SIMON:        No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. ______________________________ TEACHER:   Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? CLYDE :       No, sir. It's the same dog. ___________________________________ TEACHER:  Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD:   A teacher